25 Ways to Speak Your Spouse’s Love Language

By: Brittany Ann

Have you ever read The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman? The book was so popular a few years ago that the author went on to publish several additional versions including The 5 Love Languages of Children, The 5 Love Languages Military Edition, and The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace.

Chapman explains that people generally best receive love in one of five ways:

  • Words of Encouragement
  • Acts of Service
  • Quality Time
  • Physical Touch
  • Gift Giving

Now, it is possible to favour more than one way, but Chapman’s general idea is that most people prefer certain ways of showing and receiving love over the others.

So, What’s Your Love Language?

For some people, figuring out their love language is pretty easy. You can just look at the options and know “Yes! That’s what makes me feel loved” or “Meh… I don’t care about that one so much…”. For others, though, figuring it out can be a little more tricky–especially if you’ve never thought about it before.

If you aren’t sure what your love language is or you’d like to figure out what your spouse’s love language is, you can find out by taking this free  love language quiz or this free one on the Love Languages website.

Why Your Love Language Matters

Of course, while finding out your love language is interesting (who doesn’t like quizzes??), the real reason you should know yours (and your spouse’s) is because it can help your marriage as well. It’s true. (And who wouldn’t want to help make their marriage exciting again?)

By figuring out what your spouse’s love language is, you can stop focusing so much on tasks that they don’t appreciate so much and start focusing more on tasks that they do.

For example, I love quality time (attention!) and physical touch, but I really don’t care about gifts that much. So, for me, when my husband asks me about blogging or we snuggle up to sleep at night, I feel very loved. But when people send me birthday cards, I recycle them almost immediately. (Sorry! I do!)

If your spouse’s love languages are the same as yours–you probably have it pretty easy. You probably naturally do the things that most make your spouse feel loved.

But if your spouse’s love languages are different than yours, you have to try a little harder. Instead of doing the things that come most naturally to you, you might have to step out of your comfort zone a bit to do things that don’t mean much to you–but that mean the world to him.

Not sure how to speak your spouse’s love language? Here are some ideas!

Words of Encouragement

1. Tell your spouse you love them.

2. Congratulate them on their accomplishments–get specific!

3. Praise their best qualities (especially in front of other people).

4. Thank your spouse for working hard for your family.

5.  Tell them you still find them sexy after all these years.

Acts of Service

1. Cook their favourite dinner.

2. Take the kids shopping so they can enjoy some peace and quiet.

3. Make sure the house is all clean before they comes home.

4. Take the car for an oil change.

5. Help them find things they’ve lost.

Quality Time

1. Stop multi-tasking and give them your full attention. Have a great conversation!

2. Watch their favourite sport or show together

3. Run your errands together.

4. Have a regular date night. It can be hard to find time for romance when your children are little but here are some great ideas.

5. Eat dinner together with the TV off.

Physical Touch

1. Kiss them before they leave for work.

2. Give them a massage.

3. Hold hands while driving.

4. Snuggle on the couch to watch a movie.

5. Randomly grab their butt when you walk by them.

Gift Giving

1. Buy them a card “just because.”

2. Buy them their favourite snacks from the grocery store.

3. Buy them something they’ve had their eye on.

4. Never forget their birthday, anniversary, Valentine’s Day or other gift-giving occasion.

5. Bring them a souvenir anytime you take a trip.

This isn’t to say that we can’t all appreciate anything from this list. But when you love your spouse according to their love language, your love gets through that much more!

What is your love language? What is your spouse’s love language? Are they the same or different?

Article supplied with thanks to Equipping Godly Women.

About the Author: Brittany is a wife, a mother of three, a writer, author, teacher, and lover of Jesus.